Limbo

Analyzing.

Planning.

Contemplating.

Wondering.

Worrying.

The adrenaline rush.

The unknown.

The approach.

The execution.

:::----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------:::

The other side.

Joy or Sadness?

Success or Failure?

Life Lately {via Instagram}

I love Instagram!

Love isn't even a strong enough word. I'm obsessed with Instagram!

It allows me to document so much of our life that I normally wouldn't if I had to carry around my big old camera. The only down fall is now I find myself not documenting our life on a real camera. Oooppsss!!!!!!

And, even though I know Instagram is nothing new in "Blogland", I thought it would be fun to recap my favorite snaps every once and a while. Oh, and I may or may not, be sharing a little Instagram project I did around these neck of the woods!

So life lately via my Insta feed:

This guy is getting so big. We finally finished sorting through his preemie clothes. I just had to snap this pic to remember he really was that little!

Laneydoo has taken to Instagram as well! She shoots and picks a "color" for her photos at least two times a week. This snap of her brother is one of my recent faves!

This girl is becoming such a little lady. I look at her and think, wow, we made that...blessed! Then she'll do something that drives me completely insane and I think...what were we thinking? Mama-hood, right?

Over the weekend we stayed the night in Huntington Beach. When we were walking to dinner, I realized the spot we sat and talked on our first date was right up the street. I fondly refer to it as the first date fountain. We drank coffee and talked for hours that night. Fifteen years later, here we are with our babies. If you told me then that in fifteen years I'd be sitting in the same spot with a hubby and three babies, I would have kindly told you what you were full of. I guess sometimes life has different, better plans for us!

The mister ran in the HB half marathon this weekend. That's him waving with the white hat and blue shirt. The tall dude waving is his cousin and Mr. T's Nino. At first I thought it was silly for The Mister to do a half. He's already done the full distance with his tri's but now I get it. It's about training and time. He did good:  01:50:40 something. He finished and said he wants to get faster. Translation: here we go again! Oh, and, I really don't understand why people pay so much money to inflict pain on themselves. I'm working on figuring this out!

The race was on Super Bowl Sunday. Needless to say, we didn't attend any parties. We were all pretty wiped out so this is how we watched the game.

Last, I opened this today, realized it's February and that it's about to get crazy in this hood! No really...crazy, crazy, crazy town. You know, more than usual! We officially slow down in June...say what?

Oh, and P.S., you can find me on Instagram @mjpohl1999.

2013: Seeker of Contentment

Hello lovely 2013!

I have so many things in store for you this year. Big dreams, lofty aspirations and of course goals, goals, goals. And while I would love to say that all of these, resolutions per se, are of the utmost importance for 2013, I know this would be a lie. For me 2013 will be focused on this season of our life. I want to spend my precious days searching for contentment in all things, seeking joy, and above all finding the calm and quiet amongst the crazy.

I want the satisfaction of knowing that while life is not always sunshine and rainbows we are spending our days seeking the best from this life. The moments that are the most resounding, and above all, settling down into being a family of five.

With that, I've already prepared myself to say "No" a lot. In the past few years, I've realized saying "Yes" is a time suck...from my family, from quiet, from contentment, from joy. The more I say yes, the less quality time I spend on the things that are truly important. So saying "No" will be a huge part of 2013.

So hello 2013, it's a pleasure to meet you. I hope that you and I enjoy this time we've been given together!

Welcome to Crazy Town

This is crazy town...

via PBKisses

Welcome!

Crazy town was established in October of 2012 when Mr. T joined our lives. When we ventured from two kids to three. When somehow life got flipped completely upside down and The Mister and I became outnumbered.

Most days are insane, literally insane. First born off to school, homework, dance, soccer, catechism, etc, etc. Middle child running through our home like a tornado creating utter destruction as I nurse or rock a little man. It's fun and enlightening. A few tears have been shed. Especially, when my sweet Laneydoo began thinking that a solution to her potty problems, when mama is distracted with brother and can't help her onto the potty, is to pee on the bathroom floor or poop in her hand. YES, I said poop in her hand! She has now carried two poops out to us with a smile on her face. Disgusting!

This is parenting at it's finest. This is what making memories is all about.

And yet...

Some days I think to myself, what did we get ourselves into. We are officially outnumbered. I find myself crying as I mop pee off the floor or ask my two year old to please put her sh*t in the potty. I now drop The Monkey off at school instead of walking her in and let's be honest every single morning I'm in that car still in my pajamas. Most days when The Mister comes home, before I kiss him hello, I do a mental check as to whether or not I've brushed my teeth that morning. Yes, not brushing of the teeth happens too! Disgusting but honest. I no longer dress Laneydoo. It requires too much time and too much effort. A solution to this problem is simply to let her choose which costume she will wear for the day. It's working and yet I know we will end up having issues because at some point, you just can't go to preschool dressed as a ballerina...whatevs! And Mr. T, he's just a mama's boy through and through and is the most finicky of all our children. Hello white noise for naps, say what? I've never had to do this (and quite honestly thought it was a bunch of new age parenting craziness) and I still think it's just one more bad habit but it helps that stinker sleep and I get a few moments of peace. I am now thoroughly and completely relegated to my place of never say never.

But...

This is our crazy and it's good...oh so good! Life is different, it's so much better and sometimes it's not. Sometimes I want to run away just for a day of peace and quiet, but most days, I just want to savor all these little moments of crazy for surely they are fleeting.

So this is it. Our new life. Our new place. It's beautiful. It's messy. It's Crazy Town!

On Giving Thanks

As our holiday weekend slowly comes to an end, I find myself rejoicing in all the things our family has to be thankful for.

We were fortunate enough this year to slip off to the family cabin for an extended five day trip. This year The Monkey got an extra day off from school, so we were rewarded with five glorious days of cabin time. Every other year we spend Thanksgiving up here with The Mister's family...all thirteen of us. And this year was the year!

I love the cabin because the cabin represents family. It embodies many other things too like romantic weekends, girl trips, snowboard trips, or just need a break trips. But the cabin is a place for quiet lazy days and most importantly family. Walks through the woods, movies, fires, games, reading, and eating. This is how we spend our days as a family when we're here.

With a new little man who loves his mama's arms, and a mama with tired nursing arms and an aching back, I have never been more thankful than I was this weekend for a house full of family. So many loving willing arms to pick that sweet boy up and give this mama's tired arms and back a break. Nannies, Ninas, and Aunties, that's what I'm most thankful for this year! They allowed me so many peaceful quiet moments, the kind you forget how much you love when you're snuggled up to a sweet smelling babe or when you're in the midst of your new constant "crazy." But when they're presented to you, those peaceful moments of quiet free arms, you remember how good it is to be just you and not fulfilling one of your many roles. You just get to be. And it is glorious and invigorating and you find yourself recharged.

OH, did I mentioned we moved? We reside in this new place called Crazy Town. More on that later!

So this year I'm thankful for the big stuff, the little stuff, the frivolous stuff, and quite honestly some of the selfish stuff.

Thankful 2012:

1. My life.

2. My hubby.

3. My babies.

4. My family.

5. A family cabin to escape to for some peace and some not so quiet.

6. A house full of crazy, happy, joyous, healthy, loud, and not always getting along cousins. But, none the less, cousins who are having fun and making memories.

7. Nannies, Ninas, and Aunties who hold a baby so a mama can read her book or enjoy her dinner without an attached barnacle. Eating sans attached progeny is something I never new I'd be thankful for...just keeping it real!

8. Movie/coffee date night with my sisters to see Twilight. And a MIL who is willing to watch a babe that likes to nurse constantly and who can be quite fussy when he's not in his mama's arms, making afore mentioned date night possible.

9. Three square yummy home cooked meals for five days straight. This is no joke, we are fed well and I'm not just talking about the Thanksgiving feast!

10. AND, the littlest of moments, because truly there are so, so, so many.

Remember, where you invest your love, you invest your life. As M & S would say, "this is what we believe," and I think never a truer word was ever spoken. This is what I believe!

So, be thankful. Be fulfilled. Be joyous. Just be...

Twists & Turns

It's that moment when you realize your life is full of twists and turns. Your path is laid out before you, on that long winding road, and while you know that's the path you will travel, you still fear it. For it might be a long and arduous path but it will also be filled with the sweetest of victories. You know deep in your soul this road is the one you must take, even when the journey is extremely unclear.

I've realized this is my road and this is my journey. I don't know the end result, or really want to know; where I'll be or what is planned for me, but today I'm moving along my road slowly and steadily. There have been some bumps along the way, there are always bumps. Somehow, that is okay. The bumps and potholes are getting easier to manage. The revelations of life, less shocking and less stressful. More often than not, just joyous. For it's the journey that counts, not the end result.
My tank is full.

I'm ready.

My winding road has some twists and turns ahead but I finally feel equipped and ready for all that road has to offer.

Wishing For An Endless Summer

We are gearing up for back to school in this house. And whilst I am fully prepared to return to the daily grind...school clothes (check), school supplies (check), complete random chores (check)...I still find myself perplexed that in one day I will be walking my big first grader on campus. My insides are truly screaming:

"No, not yet!!!!! Just a little more time..."

For this year is not just the start of a new school year but a jump start to major life changes. In less than six short weeks we will be welcoming our sweet baby boy to this world. Our little family of four will become a family of five and while I am truly thankful, I still fear the unknown. Mix the unknown of having three little ones, and the rush of crazy days that are back to school, and once again I feel like we are propelling through time with little regard for the special moments. Everything feels rushed in our neck of the woods and I'm finding I no longer like the rush nor the daily grind.

I love the slow lazy days of summer. No time constraints, no obligations, just time to do what we please and to do the things we love. The fruit of summer let's us live passionately and I've found that somewhere in our back and forth, homework laden weekdays, that somehow by mid-year we have lost that passion. Time starts to slip by like sands through a hour glass and when we hit that midway point a dull ache has usually taken root in my heart for the loss of time.

I fear that this year will feel even more rushed with the birth of a new baby and school obligations. I just hope that somehow I can embrace a slower pace and the peace of mind to say NO to the things that zap time from what's truly important. For the days spent passionately are truly the most blessed of days.

A Moment of Mourning

I spent all of about fifteen minutes with my best friend today during one of the saddest moments of  her life. And it got me thinking:

She is one of the most treasured individuals I have in my life. She is a part of my soul. We didn't grow up together and we haven't been friends since kindergarten. We don't have many of those memories that solidify most childhood friendships. In fact, we met as freshmen in high school and were casual friends. Not truly becoming close until our senior year when circumstances for both of us had changed and we were fortunate to find something in each other.

She was with me the night I met the Mister. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and there when both my girls were born. She held my hand in silence when the Monkey was in NICU. I had the honor of planning her wedding and over the past 15 years we've created some pretty great memories.

But today, as I watched her walk down the aisle at her grandmother's funeral, composed like she is a good majority of the time, my heart broke for her. She has a way of handling life's situations with such grace and as I watched her walk up that aisle I was reminded of why she is one of my forever friends. She is that which I am not and somewhere in our years together we have found something that has a deep love, an understanding, a mutual respect, and a dependability that is priceless.

And then she looked up and saw me and her tears began to flow. It felt like forever for her to close that last five feet in the processional to reach me. When she did we hugged and held up the line a little and then she waited for me to grab my things from the pew because we weren't letting go of each other's hands. In that moment,  hanging onto one another was way more important than the fact it wasn't my turn to get up or that we may have been slowing things down a bit. She still stood there waiting. And as we walked out of that church with our arms entwined and clasping hands telling one another that we loved each other, I was thankful for that brief moment that I could be there for her.

For this is what our friendship will always be about. As we grow older, we share less of the day to day. In fact, I haven't seen her in person since January. But in the moments that count, we always have each other. And that is so much more important than the day in and day outs that I share with many others. Because regardless of missed play dates, random conversations, and miscellaneous texts, neither time nor distance will change the love that I have for the sister of my soul.